Seek him first (Matthew 6:33), and dating will be added according to his perfect plan and timing. The Golden Rule in Dating. But after embracing and applying the first and greatest commandment, I have found that the golden rule in dating is this: Lean hard on the people who know you best, love you most, and will tell you when you’re wrong. One of the best ways to prevent boredom and breathe new life into the bedroom is to explore your sexual boundaries together. Most couples don’t explicitly communicate their boundaries with each. Boundaries Video Study DVD (Participant's Guide sold separately). This nine-session, small group study DVD, Boundaries, features Dr.’s Henry Cloud and John Townsend, who uncover the secrets to cultivating the habit of setting and maintaining healthy boundaries that provide the framework for rich, productive relationships. Boundaries in Dating offers illuminating insights for romance that can help you grow in freedom, honesty, and self-control as you pursue a healthy dating relationship that will lead to a healthy marriage. Dating can be fun, but it's not easy. Meeting people is just one concern. Once you've met someone, then what?

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No matter the nature of your relationship, setting boundaries is a critical component to maintaining a healthy connection with your partner.

Seeking a close partnership should not have to conflict with your needs.

Becoming one as a couple means holistically knowing yourself, understanding your personal and emotional needs, and being able to communicate them to your significant other effectively.

It isn’t always easy to understand what your boundary issues are and how to communicate them.

We've created a relationship boundaries list to help you on your path to a loving and healing cohabitation.

• Examples of Emotional Boundaries
• Examples of Personal Boundaries
• How to Set Boundaries in Relationships

What Are Healthy Boundaries in Relationships?

The health of your communication defines healthy relationships.

Understanding your partner’s boundaries will transform your ability to communicate and help nip issues in the bud before they overwhelm you.

Healthy boundaries are a reflection of your principles, rules, and guidelines that you have set for yourself. A break in those boundaries arises when your partner disrespects, ignores, or isn't aware of those principles or personal needs.

Having a lack of boundaries can often lead to emotional manipulation from your significant other, whether or not it's intentional.

You may have issues with saying no when someone asks you a favor, or you may dislike public displays of affection.

If so, you must speak up and communicate those needs to your partner.

Learn to recognize the signs that someone has crossed your boundaries. These include feelings of anger, resentment, or guilt.

The conversation you have with our partner may be tough at first, but it might be the key to a happy relationship.

21 Examples of Healthy Boundaries in Relationships

There are many types of boundaries in relationships, as well as boundaries in a marriage that can establish better communication and intimacy.

Some conversations may be easier than others, but it's better they occur with preparation rather than during the tense moments after an argument.

It may also be helpful to enlist a personal therapist or a couples therapist to discern where you most need them.

Examples of Emotional Boundaries

1. Saying No

You may find it easier to sacrifice your own needs for your partner's out of a fear of upsetting them.

However, if they ask something of you that goes against your principles, disrespects your time, or forces you to sacrifice something important, it's okay to say no. It doesn’t have to be harsh, but learn to say it assertively.

2. Refusing to Take Blame

Sometimes your partner may place the blame on you out of hurt or guilt. This behavior does not mean their anger is your fault. Do not let them skirt responsibility by manipulating your emotions. Acknowledge their pain, let them know you are there for them but assert that you will not accept responsibility for their actions.

3. Expecting Respect

You deserve kindness and loving communication. If you feel your partner is speaking from unjustified anger or with a disrespectful tone, you are within your right to remove yourself from the scenario.

Boundaries In Dating Study Guide

Let them know that if they want to have a conversation, it must come from a place of respect.

4. Dictating Your Own Feelings

When you're part of a couple, opinions and emotions can feel blurred. Learn to decipher your feelings from your partner's and their perception of your feelings. If they speak for you, correct them and kindly ask that they do not dictate your emotions for you.

5. Finding Your Identity Outside of the Relationship

Codependency can lead to a melding of identities. “I” becomes “we,” and the “you” gets lost in the mix. Remember that you are not just one half of a whole but your own person with passions, interests, and vibrant intelligence. It’s okay to have a sense of self separate from your partner.

6. Accepting Help

Some people are more independent and find difficulty relying on their partner in tough times. If you need help, it can be good to establish where your boundaries are and what you do and do not want help with.

You may ask for help with finances but need space when dealing with family issues. This balance can be a delicate tango, but open communication leads to a smoother rhythm.

7. Asking for Space

Sometimes we just need to be alone in emotional upheaval. In a relationship, it can seem like you never are. Asking for space may feel to your partner like you are pushing him or her away, even though that's not your intention.

Alone time is perfectly healthy and a key to maintaining your own identity and sorting through your problems. If you aren’t clear about needing space, your partner might feel neglected or that you're avoiding them. Establishing upfront that you like to spend time alone will help later on.

8. Communicating Discomfort

Whether your partner tells a hurtful joke or crosses a physical line, learning to articulate your discomfort clearly will help in setting your boundaries. Let them know what you will not tolerate, and plan a course of action if he or she crosses that boundary.

Phrases like “Please don’t do that, it makes me uncomfortable” or “I don’t like it when you ( ex: use that word, touch me there, use that tone)” are clear and concise.

9. Sharing Mutually

It’s okay to take things slowly at the beginning of a relationship. Don’t feel pressured to share everything upfront or feel you have to share first for your significant other to open up. Vulnerability should be mutual, with both partners checking in and creating a safe space for sharing.

10. Sticking Up for Yourself

In an argument, you or your partner may say things you regret that are mean or ugly. Establish that you won't accept him or her speaking to you that way. You have intrinsic worth and deserve to be spoken to kindly. Make it known that you need an apology and that you need your partner to acknowledge the hurt their words have caused.

11. Choosing to be Vulnerable

Vulnerability should not be demanded. Of course, it is an important component of a healthy relationship, but you should never feel pressured to open up about a difficult topic in any stage of your relationship.

You share your feelings and experiences on your terms. You should feel safe to communicate that you may need time to discuss specific topics or memories.

More Related Articles:

Examples of Personal Boundaries

12. Your Right to Privacy

There are many different levels of privacy. You may share a home computer, but keep your email password to yourself. This choice is reasonable. Your belongings, thoughts, texts, journal entries, and even topics as big as past relationships or traumas are yours to share or not share at your discretion. Infringement on those boundaries is not acceptable.

13. The Ability to Change Your Mind

Your choices are your decision, as is the option to make a new one. If you change your mind, your partner should not make you feel guilty for it. Be clear with your reasoning or simply state that you decided to change your mind. Of course, being open is important, but it should happen on your terms.

14. Your Right to Your Own Time

You get to dictate where and with whom you spend your time, alone or apart. Maybe you don’t love going to Monday night football. Establish that Monday nights are your alone time or your weekly wine night with your pals. Perhaps you need to be by yourself for a few days after a big fight; you are within your right to ask for that.

15. The Need to Handle Negative Energy

A personal boundary can also be one that you set for your own behavior. It is important to navigate unhealthy anger and resentment so you aren’t bringing negative energy into a shared space.

If you can’t let it out on your own, ask for help. Share your negative emotions and lighten those toxic feelings by being honest about your mood.

16. The Freedom to Express Sexual Boundaries

The beginnings of physical intimacy with a new partner is an exciting time, but navigating personal boundaries in sex can be awkward or even scary. Openly communicating your needs or discomforts is essential, though finding the words can be tricky.

Remember that every step you take requires enthusiastic consent from your partner, and you should never feel pressured into anything. Talk with each other regularly. Share fantasies and discuss boundaries. Honesty and vulnerability are powerful.

17. The Freedom to Express Spiritual Boundaries

Your beliefs are your own, no matter how much you may or may not have in common with your partner in terms of spirituality or religion. You and your significant other should respect each other’s beliefs, foster and encourage each other’s spiritual growth, and be open to learning about the other’s culture or faith.

18. The Right to Remain True to Your Principles

Set a boundary with yourself that your principles remain in place no matter who you are dating. Of course, you can change your mind as your conversations with your partner open new doors to new ideas. But you shouldn't feel pressured to adopt his or her stances out of fear of upsetting them.

19. The Ability to Communicate Physical Needs

Learn to communicate what your body needs. Are you a vegetarian and don’t want meat in the house? Are you an early riser who needs to be in bed before 10:00 pm? Then make sure your partner respects your physical needs by not making loud noises or watching TV late into the evening.

On the other hand, learn about your significant other's boundaries. If they prefer a later bedtime, work out an arrangement rather than pressuring them to go to sleep before their biological clock allows them to.

20. Your Right to Your Material Possessions

Deciding what to share and what to keep for yourself is never an easy task. Some couples open joint bank accounts, while others forego that for financial independence. Material and financial boundaries are commonplace in every relationship.

21. Your Ability to Manage Your Own Time

Another relationship boundary to set for yourself is learning to manage your time in a way that doesn’t disrespect your significant other’s.

When you're single, you can put off doing the dishes as long as you want. However, in a relationship, your time is not just your own. If you agree to date at 8:00 pm, it’s essential to stick to your word.

That means learning to manage your time respectfully, even when you're alone.

How to Set Boundaries in Relationships

It’s one thing to know what your boundaries are, but it’s a whole different ball game to establish them, especially if that means unlearning bad habits. Try to avoid reactionary anger when setting boundaries.

We often don’t know what our boundaries are until someone crosses them. However, there are better ways to communicate to your partner what they are.

Here are some thoughts on establishing your boundaries in a relationship:

• Find a Calm Moment: If your partner crosses a boundary, work through your anger first in a safe and healthy way. Take time to yourself, and write down what disturbed you. Define the boundary and wait until a peaceful moment to have a conversation.
• Be Assertive: State your boundaries clearly and effectively. Make it known that you will not tolerate that boundary being crossed and why it bothers you.
• Be Loving: Don’t threaten your partner or speak out of anger. Let him or her know that you are setting your boundaries out of trust and love for them and yourself.
• Reciprocate: Be sure to ask your partner what boundaries they need to establish and do your best to honor them. Model the behavior you want to see in your partner.

How will you set boundaries in your relationship?

It may be scary to be vulnerable and admit what you need from your significant other, but you know yourself and what you need better than anyone else.

A loving partner, the partner you deserve, will respect and value the boundaries you have set.

Ultimately, you will find yourselves closer than ever. Showing your loved one that you are willing to set boundaries will help them share their boundaries with you. It may take time and hard work, but the best things always do.

Christian dating boundaries are . . . ambiguous.

Dating by definition and design is somewhere in between friendship and marriage, therefore Christian guys and girls are always trying to navigate the confusion which is always produced by romance without commitment. God designed the two to always be paired together, so knowing how much romance to engage in when the commitment is limited is tricky.

You want to get the most out of the dating experience to see whether marriage is in the cards (which I believe is the healthiest goal of dating). You want to open up enough for the person to really get to know you. But you also don’t want to get too emotionally entangled with someone you might not marry, thus you still need to guard your heart since dating is not a commitment for a lifetime like marriage.

So again, the whole experience of dating as a Christian is unavoidably precarious because you are constantly in danger of erring on the “too conservative side” or the “too liberal side.” Don’t ask me what conservative boundaries or liberal boundaries in Christian dating would look like.

Even defining these terms would be a challenge. If you asked one Christian guy to make two lists, one describing conservative values in dating and another list describing liberal boundaries in dating, and then you asked another guy to do the same thing, I have no idea what they would each include. All I can guarantee you is that their lists would look nothing alike.

So rather than give you a concrete Christian dating boundaries list of do’s and don’ts like: no kissing, no laying on the couch together, no hanging out after midnight, etcetera – what I think would be more helpful is to create a list of “boundary categories” that each individual Christian guy and girl should define for themselves with the help of their trusted circle of influence and as they seek to honor Christ and obey his word.

So here is a list describing 5 boundary categories to consider in Christian dating relationships.

1.Boundaries Around Your Emotional Intimacy Are Crucial For Christian Dating

As a Christian, you are called to protect your own heart, “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it” (Proverbs 4:23, NIV). While this is a clear command in Scripture, how you guard your heart in dating is less clear.

One area to consider placing boundaries around is your emotions. If you want to ride an emotional rollercoaster (not sure why you would), just start dating! Dating, again, is precarious because you are more than friends but less than spouses and the status of your relationship can change at any moment because dating comes with limited commitment levels.

The more commitment there is, the more emotional connectivity there should be. Emotional bonds without commitment is what leads to broken hearts. You should be able to share everything with your spouse because the two of you have made one of the greatest relationship commitments available on planet earth. You should not share everything with your boyfriend or girlfriend because the highest levels of commitment are not yet there.

How much should you emotionally connect in a Christian dating relationship? I don’t know. Just enough.You should share what you need to share to accomplish the goals of dating and no more. In other words, you should connect enough to know whether or not you want to connect more in marriage.

With each increase in emotional attachment you should add commitment. If you do this, you will get married fairly quickly. So guard your heart. And when you can guard your heart no longer, it’s time to get married so you don’t need to guard your heart towards this person anymore as you once did in the dating relationship.

2. In Christian Dating, You Should Have Boundaries Around Talking About Your Futures Together

Just like your emotions, planning for the future together in your Christian dating experience should coincide with increased levels of commitment. The more commitment the two of you make, the more it makes sense to talk about the future.

There’s just no need to talk about your kid’s names and what sports you want them to play when you’ve only been dating for two months. All you are going to do is increase your emotional intimacy which will influence your sexual desires, all while your commitment is too low for such feelings.

I don’t have a formula for this. I’m not saying you can never talk about having kids. But there is a difference between, “Yeah, I would like to have a big family one day,” or “O, well I actually don’t want kids at all” compared to saying manipulative things like, “I can see you being the mother of my children.” (Dude, you know what you are doing. Just stop.)

Conversations about emotional, future-centered topics need to happen once the relationship starts getting “medium” to “very” on the serious scale. But if you are in the “not that serious” zone and you are talking about how the two of you are going to divide up the holidays with your families once you get married 10 years from now, you are playing with fire.

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If you want to keep your emotions and heart in healthy places during your Christian dating relationship, make sure you have healthy boundaries around conversations regarding the future.

3. Boundaries Around Your Expectations In Christian Dating Will Help Your Heart Stay Healthy

You can list a lot of fun things in Christian dating. It should be fun. And one of the fun parts about dating is the hope it often brings. Hope is a joyful expectation of something good. While our hope should ultimately be in Jesus Christ, there should be healthy levels of hope for a dating relationship to progress into marriage. If there is no hope in a dating relationship, why would you be in it?

Proverbs 13:12 says, “Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a desire fulfilled is a tree of life.” If this doesn’t capture the tension in a Christian dating relationship I don’t know what does. It brings immense joy when two people date and then have their “desire fulfilled” if they decide they want to spend the rest of their lives together. But on the flipside, the unfulfilled hope of a dating relationship turning into a breakup rather than a marriage can make a heart sick.

(Read: Christian Dating, Breakups, and 4 Tips to Help You Get Through It With God)

Any breakup is going to hurt because all dating relationships have hope in them, and when hope is deferred the heart grows sick. The higher the hope was, the more the heart is going to hurt if that hope is deferred. Dating for a week and then breaking up will hurt but not nearly as bad as breaking up during the engagement period because your hope was so much bigger and closer to becoming reality.

Therefore you should put boundaries around your expectations and hopes in your Christian dating relationship. Don’t rush in with astronomically high hopes. Ask God to give you healthy and realistic levels. List your goals for each season of the Christian dating relationship and try to balance your emotions with logic.

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I’m not saying you need to be hopeless or never have expectations. Dating needs to be vulnerable. If you are closed off and don’t have hope, you are dooming the whole experience from the start. You just need to be wise as well.

Hope deferred makes the heart sick. So to guard you heart, you need to make sure your levels of hope are appropriate for the season your Christian dating relationship is actually in.

4. Boundaries Around Your Sexuality in Christian Dating Are a Must

If this one is not on your list of Christian dating boundaries, something is wrong with you. Sexual boundaries are what most people think of first because it’s probably the easiest temptation to fall into. How far is too far? What are you aloud to do in dating? Is kissing okay? What about spooning?

I just wrote about this in great detail here, “How Far Is Too Far In Christian Dating?” The main point I make in that article is that all sexual experiences are reserved for marriage. Anything done with your spouse is good. Anything done without your spouse is sin.

I get these two categories from 1 Corinthians 7:1-10. So the Bible does not give us a list of sexual boundaries we are not to cross in Christian dating. Rather, again, it gives us two big categories we are to stay within: 1. Sexual experiences away from your spouse are sin. 2. Sexual experiences with your spouse are good.

The trickier part will be to define what is an act rooted in sexual desire and what is an act that is simply a sign of affection. Read the article for more on this.

5. In Christian Dating You Need Boundaries for Your Words and Promises

This list of important dating boundaries for Christians could go on and on. But one more that’s just too important not to mention is boundaries for your words and promises.

When Christians abstain from sexual sin, I think the desire to connect through words is going to be even more intense. But just like the rest of these categories, you must balance your commitment levels with the levels you are connecting at. Guard what you say if you want to guard your heart.

“I love you” is especially dangerous. Not everyone feels the same way about these three words as I do. But I believe these words should not be spoken in a dating relationship. I reserved these words for my proposal with my wife. I did that because I felt if I truly loved her, why would I wait to marry her? It makes no sense to me to say “I love you” and then have no ring to offer. Love is loyalty. Love is commitment. Love is you saying you are going to be there for the person no matter what.

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I didn’t want to offer her a cheap, childish love. Therefore when I said, “I love you,” I wanted to mean it. And the only way I knew I could really show my love for her was with my commitment. Don’t tell someone you love them and then not commit to them. Of course there are different levels to love. But if you say “I love you” to someone you are romantically involved with, I believe you are going to awaken all kinds of things that should really only be awakened for those intending to marry.

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These are just a few boundaries to consider in Christian dating. What would be on your list?